The last week has been filled with relationship contemplations.
Heavy stuff, right?
Sure.
Over Labor Day weekend, D and I decided to go to Chocolat in Santa Cruz (amazing!) for dessert to get out of the house. We had an awesome time. Most of the conversation over our dark chocolate truffles and cappuccinos revolved around the importance of communication when it comes to relationships. One of the reasons why I think D and I have such an awesome relationship is due to the fact that we communicate well–not simply communicate but we trust each other–I trust D not to fly off the handle when I tell him “I don’t like you today! Why? Because Aunt flow is visiting and I become irrational when she is around. She’s super annoying and therefore, I shall take my annoyance out on you! Argh!!!!” He lets me be crazy and feel whatever it is I feel that day. But he also knows that when it comes down to it, I would never say anything or do anything to disrespect him in anyway (i.e. call him names or belittle him). That’s mutual trust. So, as we reveled in the perfection that is our relationship (please note: the beginning of this sentence was said with MUCH sarcasm), we decided that the key to any relationship is communcation and trust.
So here is how I see this:
Me + D = SUPER AWESOME
Me + Other relationships = UBER FAIL
Though I communicate very well with D, meaning I don’t randomly hit him or throw inanimate objects at windows and doors, I don’t communicate as non-violently with others (others being my family). A few weeks ago when I was visiting with my sister (please see Faith Discovered), we talked about the importance of communication as well. There are many families we know that just sweep things under the rug and never address them. Now, in our family, we don’t do that too much. It may take us time, but we eventually talk or yell or physically assault each other to get the point across. While sometimes we hold things in until we SNAP, we at least communicate to an extent.That being said, it could be a lot better. We have lost many household objects and art to communicative rampages.
With my friends, I am still learning how to communicate things to them. Where, with your family, more often than not you still have a bond, friends, not so much. If you say “Hey Mom, I hate you with a fiery passion,” you know she’ll come around to forgive you at some point because that is what family does. But if you say, “Hey buddy, I don’t like your attitude today. You are a punk and I think you deserve to be hit right in the face,” they can toss you aside like the Sesame Street Gang tossed Oscar the Grouch:
So why do I communicate well with some and not others?
I think there are two main reasons as to why people don’t communicate: 1. Confrontation: Many people are the non-confrontational type . As difficult as it may be, at some point you have to confront things. Often, if you don’t, you become a passive aggressive nuisance that nobody likes. Soon everyone will call you “Negative Nancy” and/or “Polly Prissy Pants”. Now you don’t want that do you? 2. Fear–fear of the outcome, fear of reaction, etc. Remember when FDR said “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself!”–well, that’s inspirational, yeah? So, why don’t we listen to good ol’ FDR and you know, not be scared. I’ll tell you why–people are fucking crazy. I mean, look at what happened to the Spartans. 300 men against all them Persians. That didn’t end well did it? Oh yeah sure, they go down in history but really, if they would have not done anything and just stayed non-confrontational, they probably would have lived to the ripe ol’ age of like 50 (which is old for that time period). Instead, they go down in a storm of arrows.
Now, communicating is only half the battle. If you get up the courage to finally say something to someone, there is always the part of the conversation where the other gets to respond. This moment matters because it can lead to resolution or total relationship disaster. If you actually try and listen to the other person and their response to your rambling, you actually might get somewhere. But, if you don’t, and you get defensive, well…this could happen:
On second thought, who needs communication? If not communicating properly could possibly lead to a Mr. & Mrs Smith situation well, that’d be hot and I’m so down for hotness! Unless it’s with family or that “friend” who could only ever be a friend–that would just be awkward, and no one wants that.